A PROUD DAY...

"first of all i would like to thank my parents for blessing me with such an opportunity which was nowhere in my sight a year ago"

PAPA - even though i played in my mother's lap when i was an infant,the first word i spoke was papa. and that was the moment of pride for him. As a toddler, i cant remember but i can imagine my first few steps holding his hands. As a kid , i still recollect me crying and suffocating him with my grip when the school van came to pick me up. the moment i entered adolescence i remember my shoulders getting heavy under the constant expectations. i began competing with sharmaji's brilliant son, mehraji's obedient daughter, khanna sahab's genius children. i was tasting competition, the time when i had to focus on my leg spin abilities, i got admitted to a coaching institute, 4 hrs a day after school. and dad was now a proud competitor amongst his circle.

MUMMY - i cried when someone snatched me from her, and kept on crying till i was back at "my place". i didnt know what a house was, but got familiar to home pretty early. it felt like the safest place where i can act the way i want, my mother's lap.
as a toddler, she was my toy.. my loving dear toy.as a kid she was my savior, my feeder my breather.i still remember the times when i would run a whole mile to tell her that i won a race with bittu or i found a coin.i entered my adolescence, and no longer i felt like telling all that to her. she wanted me to tell how i lost to bittu in mathematics and how i wont win in number of coins if i dont slog and study.

NEWS FLASH - 19 year old strangles himself because of examination failure.

bleeding thought..

Vacuum …..

1.	a space entirely devoid of matter.

2.	an enclosed space from which matter, esp. air, has been partially removed so that the matter or gas remaining in the space exerts less pressure than the atmosphere (

3.	the state or degree of exhaustion in such an enclosed space.

4.	a space not filled or occupied; emptiness; void

Life will go on … it wont stop… it ll be a fresh breeze of air, a tornado… a vacuum …. But it ll go on…

I will go on …. I wont stop… I ll be god…. a satan … a human….

But I ll go on….

They ll go on … they wont stop .. they ll be mercy…. They’ll slaughter…. They wont bother…

But they’ll go on……

The end ….. will stop’em all …. Life,me,them …

friday fury...

it was 6:00 in the morning.. the doorbell was the last thing i expected and the reaction of the two sleeping giants (sid n virat) to the doorbell was most expected.. nobody cared ...finally starting my morning with a hurl of abuses towards them i went to see who was the lucky one... it was a 65 something uncle with a face about to explode standing downstairs .. and asking me about some car standing somewhere creating some problem for his something to get parked... he was randomly checking the whole block for the car... he asked "3017 aapki gaadi hai?? " ... and i was like wtf???? .... once again he asked ..and this time i asked him which car he is talking about... he went and saw the make of the car and yelled its an esteem ... sid's .... i said yes ..it indeed is our's ... then he asked me to move it ... early morning pangs i uttered some marvellous grudges and came back to lay on the bed ...asking sid to move away his car as someone is facing some problem because of his car... he saw the car from the window and found it to be perfectly fine.. and slept in harmony... once again the bell rang... this time i uttered a few more abuses ,took the blanket over my face and went into a coma.. i heard sid mumble something about doing something to that someone if he rings something one more god damn time ... so here he was down again ... sid went to see him .. after a few minutes my coma was broken by continuous abuses from his mouth ... the uncle was asking to move the car as he had to park his car over there which he is doing continuously for 30 years on a public property... he hurled a few more abuses and went to sleep... again the door bell rang... this time virat stood up like he was ordered to fight on LOC ... and went berserk.. he straightaway headed for the balcony and without the uncle uttering a word made his morning ... came back with a certain confidence like he just destroyed lahore... and went down with a thud... by this time me n sid were awake ... we also woke up virat and asked what happened... he just re-iterated the fact that he told uncle that we wont move our something for his something which he has been parking there for some years... this left the old man fuming..and as we watched from the windows the guy parked his car a few inches away from sid's car so that he wont be able to move out... but unfortunately for him..the car in front of sid's was virat's... though the oldie made a fool for himself but i was surprised to see the reaction of people at 6 o clock in the morning ..including mine...
some guy just makes life hell for everyone in the morning because he wants to park his vehicle at a public place because he has been parking there for 30 years.. no disregard to his age but i was left fuming.
you made a mockery out of a fine friday morning just because you dont get to park your car at your hereditay place(there was a lot of space available nearby)...
global warming is not only affecting the nature... the earth ...the climate... its effecting the little so called brains of homo sapiens too... its getting hot day by day....
and by god ..... if he ever makes up a scene again am gonna start staring at his daughter.....

COFFEE!!

one drink you can trust in any situation... joy,grief,disaster,celebration,with ur better half,with ur folks,with your boss,with your colleague,.and most of the times alone....list is endless... COFFEE ...is the answer
what is so special about this thing ... this warm glass of semi brown fluid which you can sip anytime of the day with anyone.....
i ve pondered a lot over it.. and i ve come to a conclusion... having coffee is a cover up... yes a big goofy cover up.... an excellent A star excuse to let people know that you infact are doing something else other than what you are supposed to do...... why people ask eachother out over a coffee date... why coffee is the most important tool in a meeting..why you celebrate in a coffee shop...why these coffee chains are blooming... A COVER UP!!
when you have nothing to say...sip .... when you said something wrong..sip... when you make a harsh decision...sip .... when you vent your anger out...sip .... when you have no emotion...sip...
when you want to sit alone and search for something to soothe you... sip ... when you do some writing..sip ........ does it originate ideas.. is it a viagara for your brain ...
its nothing.... its a big COVER UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

social circus!!

my dream is to fly... over the rainbow so high.... my ears were on the verge of stuffin up inside my brain...such a loud thud of music.. and there were people all around... prancing,dancing and whatever you ll call that act of swaying your hips as wide from your body and your face as freaky as you can imagine... would ve made papa shango proud (for ignorant ones..the wrestler)....

The battle of sexes going on .. each one of them beating the gucci's,the versace's... but i must admit one fashion statement i am unable to digest..in a disco..a place where you dance..you come with a tee...jeans..(fine till now)..but....and leather shoes???... dancing to "please dont stop the music" with huge leather shoes...now thats what i call a contention for a bravery award.. ... i was wishing for some victoria's though...
one thing which my small mortal brain fails to process... feel.. or decipher is that how can you be so drunk with your first sip of a beer.... i saw atleast 4-5 of them... is it fun to let the world know that you are a party pooper...a sloth...or is it something to do with the world knowing that you do go bonkers in a sip...a sip for holy marry's sake...
fagging... interesting topic for me... coz i dont... but what is it that people tend to do it in such a way that even chimneys feel naked!!! its not about the quantity am talking about ...its the style of how they do it...those orgasmic reactions after a shot...its kinda scary to watch..specially the "dooodes" ... somebody please let me know... is it a stimulant for your facial muscles....
am already sick... sipping my quota of carlsberg... dont know why i like it.. but it tastes better than all other ones i ve tried..
there is something bothering me... what makes this place so different from the outside world??... the booze??...the music??..what is it?
the same place where u step on someone and you get away with an "its ok mate"... but as soon as you step outside and do this stepping sin on mankind...you either get a bruised nose or a bruised ego.. what is it that separates these two worlds.. one very much a reality and the other a cover up!!
i quietly sit there on the table allotted to us.. with the empty pint in front of me.. i am not thinking anymore... i join the cover up soon... start moving my hips as far from my body as i can...with the facial expression i would be scared to see myself.... then the circus is over... time to move back... go home..feel good about that you partied tonight...strange feeling... but i over rule it... thinking it to be dizziness from dancing too much.... i look for my bed.... and leep without thinking much... next day i have to join the circus again.... this time my working circus.... the social circus... where you are a joker... the central character in your own circus... making the audience happy ...but who knows whats there behind that white paint on that face..that red nose...that covered up smile.... even the joke is clueless about his grief... but he is busy entertaining others...soothing others... showing others that he is happy... the joker rocks!!! and so does the social circus!!!!

this is the end..beautiful friend...this is the end

last night a dream ended abruptly.. many a dreams end abruptly..scientists say around a thousand of them per night... but the abrupt end of a dream which you remember the next morning or maybe the next year...or maybe the rest of your life is rather painful... the dream where you are shown the gate of salvation.. and as you leap for your last step somebody bulldozes over it.. and there you stand with your final step still in air..your mind blank..your face searching for emotions... you feel you ve been raped...
the dream started at 12:10 am... stamford was the avenue... around 40,000 prayers...and 22 men.. who dreamt...
2:05 am , it ended .... abruptly....
it recalled the horrors of the last dream... 2008 finals... how much more can they take... year after year... and still being labelled as a negative side... the hated one... how much you gonna punish the 11 men who have the courage to dream again the next year...
i am sad, helpless and broken.... but no matter what they are being called, no matter how many dreams end abruptly for them,no matter how hard reality smashes them.. they ll dream again... maybe that too will end abruptly ...but they ll dream again... for sure...

Hai Shaabash!!

Hai shaabash …. It's a deadly dialogue delivered in perfection by our very own shatrughan Sinha whenever he is elated…. A few months ago, me and some of my roomies were enjoying the episodes of funny men of laughter challenge on youtube… the dialogue was delivered and everyone went bonkers… it was the word on mouth everyday… be it anger..be it sarcasm..or be it extreme joy when someone else bought the groceries….
After a few days… tats posted this mail to a few people that we should form a community so that everyone should be in touch with a click… whatever the information be..regarding the money to be collected for rent… responsibilities allotted for household works…and utter disrespect towards the cooking style of our master technician mambo … a yahoo group was created titled hai shaabash… I had this eerie feeling that it wont last long and will just be another dead ppol after a few weeks… but am amazed to see the level of participation and the information exchanged on it ..its increasing…day by day… so much of interaction is there that we don’t miss each other though we have mostly separated..tats in gurgaon..me in delhi.. juggu in noida..cheeka in…welll … that doesn’t matter…. Hitesh and tj in some remote sector.. he he … but the bond still gluing us is hai shaabash….
Coming to the topics discussed on hai shaabash….. it can be anything from what mambo cooked today and how lazy he has become watching mahabharat on zee Bengali every night at 2 … to… the impact of Taliban on US and India ( sorry guys exaggerated a bit to drag the group in a serious zone)….
The topics are discussed with zeal and enthusiasm… lets take an example of hitesh … when he is making a statement it looks like he is fighting the paki’s on the border… and side by side as stressing and emotional as the mother of hero in a senti hindi movie… its fun to see his enthusiasm cut short by a loud “O WAA YAAR” by some other member who just ridicules his point and leaves him fuming…
This group has survived the recession threats… the parting homes… the boring jobs… morning pangs…afternoon naps… and boss lookouts… its going strong… more than ever…
All the participants are not only connected via words..but the emotions behind each and every line is very well understood by each one of us…. We can imagine how hiesh must be reacting when he sarcastically says “bahot sai”..and when juggu says..”banta hai”… when virat writes those big sentences when he is pissed off… when tats get super angry and hyper..and types all the shit… we know how his face looks like… and that’s fun… identifying the emotions behind the words……

I have so much more to write.. but I have to attend a so called meeting.. which will be about deciding when to conduct next meeting… with the added accessories of tea,coffee,yawns,snores,droopy eyes…and god knows what else….

Anyways………………. I hope we all stay on path of success…going by the tag line of HAI SHAABASH….amen